Cecily Robust penned an essay about mourning her cousin Owen, who died of mind most cancers this yr, in addition to navigating a brand new romantic relationship, whereas in quarantine amid the coronavirus pandemic.
“I’m in the course of my two-week quarantine in my tiny residence in New York. I’ve cried daily,” she wrote within the piece revealed by Vulture on Tuesday.
Robust wrote about Owen’s character and the way even at his sickest, he by no means stopped being optimistic.
“Docs his closing MRI say later that due to the dimensions and place of his tumor, they didn’t know the way he was standing and laughing and speaking so long as he was,” she wrote.
She then expressed that she was nervous concerning the man she had simply began seeing named Jack, who examined optimistic for COVID-19, and that she simply needed to be with him whereas she mourned the lack of Owen.
“I’m scared about Jack. I’m actually scared. He has had a nasty fever for per week. He didn’t reply his telephone yesterday. I textual content a health care provider good friend who suggests a police welfare test. I’ve had nervousness and melancholy since highschool. I take Wellbutrin. I’ve gone to years of remedy. I take Xanax when wanted. This can be a actually unhealthy time for psychological well being,” she wrote. “As we speak I resolve the nervousness is worse. I’d fairly be depressed. I get actually low. I get up Friday and I flip my telephone on airplane mode and I begin consuming. I believe it’s going to disintegrate with Jack now.”
She continued, “I’m upset with him for not understanding why I consistently have to know he’s okay. I’m upset with myself for needing to consistently know he’s okay. I’m upset with pals speaking about lacking their f–king birthdays. What if Jack dies? What if I die? Owen simply d—. I can’t say it or write it.”
Robust, 36, expressed how worry has taken over her life whereas she’s been in isolation.
“I’m so low and I’m so afraid. I’m afraid of the water popping out of my pipes. I’m afraid of out of doors. And I’m so alone. I’ve by no means felt so alone,” she stated.
The comic had blended emotions about discovering a love curiosity concurrently dropping somebody.
“At first I assumed it was so tough to fulfill somebody proper as I used to be dropping somebody I cherished a lot. I knew he’d must be affected person with me. He’d must let me grieve. It will be simpler to not even attempt throughout that course of,” she wrote. “However grieving for Owen was like nothing I’d ever skilled, and I promised Owen and myself to proceed to let all that love be there together with the unhappiness.”
Robust quickly got here to appreciate that assembly Jack was meant to be.
She advised Jack, “I believe you had been a present to me from Owen.”